A public service announcement from Mr. Grump Ass
“You want transparency? Well I’ll give you some!” shouts Mr. Grump Ass at the top of his mug.
“I’m sick of these well-educated, top young twenty-somethings crashing into my door at any time of the day, WITHOUT AN APPOINTMENT, and telling me what I need to do to improve my office!
You want Innovation? I’ll give you my newest innovation. Use your damn fingers to write an email and send a request to my Secretary when you want an appointment! The last smart ass millennial that came into my office thought that a Secretary was a person who was secretly using air to transfer messages… what the hell is wrong with you people?!?”
Here’s the latest genius buzz that is now being shared with me from the outside consultant world. Millennials value the chance to collaborate, understanding that work is a collective endeavor. They support each other’s efforts, and expect their managers will do the same. (1)
Well I’ve totally got this one covered and think I’m extremely effective with collaborating. It’s simple. I tell you what to do and you collaborate by doing what I say! After all, we’ve done that for years and it’s worked so far. Isn’t that what you call a true collective endeavor?
Not to change topics, but let’s change topics because I hated the last one. It’s ALL ABOUT ME, so let me share with you my latest problem. These talented twenty somethings are now taking over our workforce. According to the U.S. Census Bureau data, more than one-in-three American workers today are Millennials (adults ages 18 to 34 in 2015), and this year they surpassed Generation X to become the largest share of the American workforce.(2). Are you flippin kidding me? They really are invading us!
And guess what? All of my traditionalist friends are now ditching and leaving me behind by myself in this new innovative millennial kingdom. Yes, even Miss “B”, now 62 years old, is taking an early retirement package to fulfill her lifetime dream and buy her Iowa alpaca farm so she can spin her own wool and knit IPA beer caps happily ever after. Gooey Glue stick is also bailing early and running off in his 1972 vintage Winnebago and heading to “Tim buck too” to do “Tim buck Nothing.”
Now, don’t mess with me and think that I don’t know what you are thinking right now as you are reading this… You are thinking I need some new ideas on how to enhance my work environment. You probably want me to bring in those slingin banana shaped hammocks for kindergarten-type naps and invite your flea infested rescue dog to lie under your desk and do nothing right? You call it work environment enhancements, I call it fluffy “Kum ba yah” Cr@p!
So although my mug gets steamed quite a bit, I sometimes come up with one new brilliant idea on my own, and although I hate to admit it, team building might be a good way to collaborate and improve my work environment. Yup, I will take credit for it, (I take credit for everything) and nope, I haven’t tried it yet, so feel free to leave me a comment and let me know if it actually works.
Now, onto my coffee break to stroll around and make others feel intimidated so they might actually do some work for a change! So go make yourself useful and try out my team building activity. Just make sure to report back any productivity increases, pronto!
Mr. Grump Ass
Your Homework Assignment from Mr. Grump Ass
“Hide your Dentures and Have Everyone Photo Them”
I’m not sure the name of this team builder is going to fly, but it will grab some attention for all of those boomer peeps. You know the type, they always roll their eyes and say team building is STUPID! I don’t know about you, but I sure wouldn’t want the “JOMO!” – Joy of missing out. (And you thought I wasn’t up on my millennial terminology, ha!)
Team Building Purpose: To collaborate on a collective endeavor.
1) Call the team in, you probably won’t need to remind them to bring in their smart phones, but if you have any Traditionalists, ask them to bring their cell phones with them. Once you have them contained into a room and in lock down mode so no one can escape, have them pair themselves into teams of 2, or three whatever works with the size of your team.
2) Advise them that they are now famous paparazzi on a 20 – 30 minute mission to take the best photo office shots for your upcoming company newsletter.
3) Copy/Print the following and tell them this is what you are looking for:
- A photo that includes something that is moving and pink (2 points)
- A “living” item that is green (1 point)
- Something that looks crazy – keep the camera away from me! (1 point)
- Two people gossiping – this should be easy! (2 points)
- A photo of a human pyramid (5 points)
- A photo of a something relaxing (1 point)
- A boss with his or her feet up (3 points)
- A person who looks engaged (2 points)
- Anything with four legs (3 points)
- Something flying in the office (1 point)
- Dentures – in honor of the name of this team builder! (8 points)
4) Once everyone comes back, if they ever come back, have everyone share their photos and add up their own points. The team with the most points gets to go with you to… the dollar store to pick out a fun prize, to the local pancake house for the latest and greatest chocolate “cherry type” whipped concoction, or the pet store for one goldfish in a glass bowl for their desk. You get the idea, so come up with something creative and fun.
- Deloitte, “The 2016 Deloitte Millennial Survey,” 2016 https://www2.deloitte.com/content/dam/Deloitte/global/Documents/About-Deloitte/gx-millenial-survey-2016-exec-summry.pdf
- pewresearch.org/…/millennials-surpass-gen-xers-as-the-largest-generation-in-u-s – labor-force